Men: The Forgotten Gender?

You know around 3 to 4 years back, I started to come across the ideas of feminism, equality, women's right and empowerment etc. Then I understood that what women suffer in their day to day life, how they are humiliated, how they are judged on the basis their dress, their way of talking, how they are tortured for dowry and number of things. I started feeling very bad that how because of some judgemental people women aren't allowed to do what they want to do, what they want to wear, where they want to go and with whom they want to go. It transformed me into a kind of girl who would always talk about feminism, equality and women's rights. I would always think that it is so cool to be a boy, no one judges you anyhow, be it dress, way of talking, time of coming back home, dowry and their lifestyle. A boy's image has always been in my mind as a tension free and care free human being, who lives his life as he wishes to. Little did I know, that they don't suffer like us but they indeed suffer with us.

People are developing. Now a days we can see that in number of households, women are working. People are accepting the fact that women are capable of working as well as managing the households efficiently. But this development is only one sided.

On one hand we are fine if women are working while on the other hand, society cannot accept, men being without work. From the day a boy is born, society starts imposing their mindset, their thinking on him. He is not given teddy bear to play. He is given a car, a gun to play. How can we know the likings of a child who is just born? And if a boy wants to play with a teddy bear, we shut him out by saying that it is a girl's toy. He cannot like pink colour, because he'll be teased by saying that he is behaving like a girl.

Well, this is just the starting of his atrocities. As he grows up, he is made to understand that he is a boy, he needs to be strong at every point of time in his life. He is burdened with the pressure of doing well in his life, earning good income, taking care of his family and to act strong everytime. He is not allowed to be sad, feel weak or cry. Now this doesn't means that girls are not having the pressure to do well or get a job, but still somewhere or the other, the responsibility of fulfilling the financial needs of the family falls on men in many families.

Society cannot see a man sitting at home and doing households chores. He needs to work. Even if his wife is able to look after the financial needs, he still needs to work. He cannot have a moment of relaxation in his life. He is expected to have good grades, have good relations with families, have respect for women and be good towards elders. Still people curse men for showing disrespectful attitude towards women. One thing that we need to understand here, is that few people do not represent the attitude and mentality of the entire gender. Good and bad people are everywhere. It has nothing to do with the gender. But in most of the cases between a man and a woman, people think that the man must have done something wrong. Let us take an example: If we see a woman slap a man, the first thing that comes to our mind is that the man must have done something wrong. And if we see a man slap a woman, we think that how cruel the man is. This is the perspective that many of us have developed about men.

Furthermore, he is not allowed to cry or to express that he is sad. Because crying has become the symbol of weakness and men can't be weak or I must say he is not allowed to be weak. Women are having the monopoly over tears. There are various studies conducted to show that many men fall prey to heart problems and anxiety due to supressing their emotions and feelings.

Society likes gentlemen. But society doesn't like a man who is gentle.

"There was a drop of tear about to fall from his eye, but it was stopped by the eyelids of the society."

There is a very popular saying in Hindi about men, "Mard ko dard nahi hota hai" (A man doesn't feels pain), but according to me, "Mard wahi hota hota hai jisko dard hota hai" (A man is he, who feels pain.) A man is he, who feels pain, on seeing his parents sad, on seeing a girl being teased, on seeing his siblings in trouble and on seeing a baby cry. He also can get afraid by darkness, he also can do household chores, he also can cry, he may not be a good driver, he may not be good at machines but if he is truthful, he is a man. And he should be a man.

There are differences between men and women, I know that and let them be because they are beautiful. But it is bad to differentiate between them and set criterias since childhood to prove his manhood and her womanhood.

Are men vulnerable?

You can be accused of domestic violence if you shout at your wife but if your wife shouts at you, there is nothing you can pretty much do. People get accused of sexual harrasment at workplace because the women didn't get a good appraisal and she filed a case against the person. In some cases people even get accused of sexual harrasment at workplace if they ask a woman for a drink.

A Related law in this regard:

Section 498A of Indian Penal Code, 1860 was inserted by the Criminal Law (Second Amendment) Act, 1983. This section has opened the doors of justice for women who suffer cruelty at the hands of her husband or relatives. The offence under this section is cognizable, non-bailable and non-compoundable offence. The explanation to the section also defines the meaning of cruelty.

It means any wilful conduct which is of such a nature as is likely to drive the woman to commit suicide or to cause grave injury or danger to life, limb or health (whether mental or physical) of the woman; or

Harassment of the woman where such harassment is with a view to coercing her or any person related to her to meet any unlawful demand for any property or valuable security or is an account of failure by her or any other person related to her to meet such demand. The explanation defines the limits of the meaning of cruelty so as the section is not misused for frivolous cases by the women. However, the precautions taken by the legislator has not stopped the filing of false cases by women and though the section has helped a number of women facing cruelty, it has also been misused by a number of them.

I'm not saying that section 498(A) of IPC is only being misused by the wives. We cannot deny that fact that it has also helped many women to fight against their husband and in laws for the cruelty and harm caused by them. But at the same time, the misuse of section 498(A) cannot be said as a myth because there are certain number of cases which came before the court in which the complaints were filed just because of some pretty quarrels or small issues between husband and wife. This is very scary for men as well as for women because if provisions that are meant for the safety and protection of women are misused like this, then in the case where a woman truly needs help, she wouldn't be believed. Like Supreme Court said, when actual wolf would appear, you wouldn't get any assistance because you wouldn't be believed. Magistrates must be careful enough not to authorise detention casually and mechanically.

The Supreme Court has taken steps to reduce the misuse of section of 498(A) of IPC in various judgements. But much more has to be done.

Three cases in which the Supreme Court mentioned about the misuse of section 498(A) of IPC are given below:

Arnesh Kumar v. State of Bihar:

Facts: The wife alleged that dowry was demanded from her and that she was driven out of the matrimonial home on non-fulfilment of such demands. The husband applied for anticipatory bail which failed. Therefore, by special leave petition, the husband approached the Supreme Court.

Decision: In this case, the Court observed that the fact that Section 498A, IPC is a cognizable and non-bailable offence, it is more often than not is used as a weapon rather than shield by disgruntled wives. It results in harassing the husband and his relatives by getting them arrested under this Section and it is more disturbing to see bedridden grandfathers and grandmothers being arrested without a prima facie case. Thus, the Court laid down certain guidelines which the police officer must follow while arresting under Section 498A, IPC or Section 4 of the Dowry Prohibition Act, 1961 and that such arrest must be based on a reasonable satisfaction with respect to genuineness of the allegation. Moreover, even the Magistrates must be careful enough not to authorise detention casually and mechanically.

Manju Ram Kalita v. State of Assam (2009) 13 SCC 330

Facts :The wife alleged physical and mental cruelty at the hands of the husband and accused him under Section 498A, IPC. The husband, however, denied all the charges.

Decision :The Court held that “Cruelty” for the purpose of Section 498-A IPC is to be established in the context of Section 498-A IPC as it may be different from other statutory provisions. It should be determined by considering the conduct of the man, weighing the gravity or seriousness of his acts and to find out as to whether it is likely to drive the woman to commit suicide, etc. It is to be established that the woman has been subjected to cruelty continuously or at least in close proximity of time of lodging the complaint. The Court further held that petty quarrels cannot be termed as “cruelty” to attract the provisions of Section 498-A IPC.

Bibi Parwana Khatoon v. State of Bihar (2017) 6 SCC 792

Facts :Similar to previous cases, the facts of this case are that the wife was killed by setting her up on fire by her husband and her relatives. The sister-in-law and brother-in-law of the deceased wife challenged the conviction in the Supreme Court.

Decision :The Court brought under notice the facts that the appellants in the case did not even reside at the place of mishap. There was no evidence to prove their charge beyond reasonable doubt. Therefore, the Court acquitted them and held that the Court must guard against false implication of the relatives.

At last I would like to say that equality comes with supporting all the genders. In the course of empowering one gender, we should not forget the discrimination faced by the other genders. Men are also human beings. They too have feelings like all of us. They too have the right to get sad, cry, relax, play and enjoy life. It is not easy to be a man nor it is easy to be a woman because both have been wrongly affected by patriarchy. So try to treat them as a human being first.

Unfortunately I'm not having many guy friends so that I could know their perspective and moreover I'm a girl so there is a possibility that this article might have missed on certain important points. Forgive me for that :-)

~ Sanjana Shikhar